Feeling a little bitterness creeping in today and
wanting to be more like Hannah as I walk through this adoption journey. Hannah was childless in a society that looked
down upon her for that. A longing of the heart denied can cause much pain.
Rather than allow her pain to cause bitterness towards God Hannah used the pain
in her heart as a catalyst to pray. (1 Samuel 1:12-20).
Much like Hannah, I am developing a more intimate
relationship with the Lord. That being
said, it is not something that comes easy.
In the quiet of my soul bitterness creeps in and Satan uses those little
cracks to attack full force.
After Hannah's encounter with God her attitude
changed before her condition did. She started to live a normal life again prior
to having a child (1 Samuel 1:18). Contentment comes with believing God and
finding rest in him. Contentment starts in the heart not with possessions. Therefore,
I am working on being content in my present circumstances.
I am learning to let go, much like Hannah did,
but the difference for me is that I haven’t even seen the child I am required
to let go of. I have to let go of something I never owned in the first place
and give all the control over to the Lord. This is not easy and it involves
many tears but it is what I am called to do. “Blessed is the one who trusts in
the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” Jer. 17:7
God used Hannah to show us that this is possible.
If anyone cherished her child Hannah did. Yet even she knew that children are a
gift from God and not ours to begin with.
Hannah's story ends with her giving praise and
glory to God (1 Samuel 2:1-11). She had a fulfilled life. The fact that she had
to wait for some things did not mean she was doomed.
Waiting for things is not a curse. In fact God
always uses it to produce a blessing if we remain faithful to Him. Keep your
trust in God. That is what Hannah's life is telling me and why and I striving
to be more like her. As difficult as
this journey is to me I know my relationship with the Lord has grown and I know
I will continue to have human emotions and it won’t be easy but I will press
on!
Thanks so much for following our journey and
praying us through the process – your prayers and financial support or
appreciated more than I will ever be able to convey to you.
If you are interested in being a “Piece of our
Puzzle” you can donate $10 for your name to put on a puzzle piece and framed
for Esther (see the previous blog for more info.).
Where we are in the process: Still waiting! Our
paperwork is in IBESR in Haiti and we are waiting on a call from our agency to
get to make our first trip to meet Esther.
We are praying that this will happen in early August and we are praying
for other families who have made their first trip already to get a date to
bring their little ones home!
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